When the War Moves Inward: Coping and Hoping Amid Pain

It seems I was just writing about how to grapple with the horrors of October 7, 2023. Nearly two years later, and the war rages on—but now it’s morphed and grown. The war may be on the land below and in the air above, but it’s also spread in the hearts of people on the other side of the world.

It’s the insidious war of hate, of weaponized misinformation and disfigured activism. And Jewish people everywhere are fighting this hate whether they enlisted or not. So how do we cope? How do we process? How do we act? Here are a few things I’m trying:

1. Don’t expect your feelings to change as quickly as the news.

Ceasefires don’t apply to the war that wages internally. The aftermath of the damage—whether in the form of demolished buildings or in residual trauma—is an ongoing reality. No matter the news tomorrow, the news from yesterday lingers. Our sleep, our work, and our relationships may continue to suffer. Have grace for yourself (and those around you) and give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Full stop. 

2. Build a community fit for the season.

Some friends are great for road trips, others for going to the movies, the theater, a fine restaurant, or a hike. But those aren’t always the friends you want when you need an outlet to discuss your fears over rising antisemitism, to share your heartbreak over violence, or to rant about news coverage. Prioritize building relationships in which you feel seen, understood, and free from the responsibility of qualifying or filtering everything you say for fear of being misunderstood. In turn, be that safe space for others as you have bandwidth.

3. Throw your phone away.

We feel a responsibility to be informed. But our drive for media consumption can cause more harm than good. Instead of immediately doomscrolling the second we wake up, let’s pick at least one day of the week to “wake up quietly”—don’t reach for your phone until after you’ve had breakfast, read some Scripture, or spent some time in prayer. Ease into the world. The onslaught of information will still be there when we’re done, and you’ll be in a better headspace to take it in.

4. Don’t let personal pain get political.

Politics has a tendency to take nuanced issues and convert them into oversimplified polarizations. Worse still, some politicians utilize current events to take dramatic stances to advance their own careers. In turn, those personally unfamiliar with life in the Middle East start to adopt aggressive viewpoints and engage in intellectual debates. But for many of us, the current events aren’t a political issue. They’re personal. They’re directly affecting our lives and the lives of our families and friends. Reminding others of that truth can help temper and humanize an otherwise polarizing conversation.

5. Speak truth to friends willing to listen. 

The world is paying attention right now, but many are still unaware that this isn’t a new conflict, nor one limited to the Middle East. Antisemitism is a war we’ve been fighting since our formation as a people. Attacks like those on Yaron and Sarah in Washington, DC, have made many non-Jewish people newly conscious of issues we’ve long been (painfully) aware of. Try sharing your personal experiences of antisemitism with those newly open to the issue—it may equip them to stand up against hate in their own circles of influence.

6. Hear new stories.

As we do consume information, let’s filter based on thoughtfulness rather than conclusion. Only listening to those with whom we agree can cause us to become more of an extremist and unsympathetic to those with a different perspective. By listening to stories, opinions, and reports from a variety of sources, we can challenge ourselves to remain open and continue growing and learning.

As the situation shifts daily and we all figure out how to process this together, let’s remember: we’re a people of hope. We know our God is faithful, keeping his promises to his people from generation to generation, through victory and through tragedy. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea … He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:1–2, 9–10)

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